Still I Can't Close My Eyes
by Nette
Summary: * Finally, the 10th and last chapter! ; ) * - Different ending for “A Simple Twist Of Fate” (8.14) - Carby :)
1. Chapter 1

Feedback: Sure, I'd love to know what you think … and whether or not you want to read the next chapters. ; )

Category: Carby

Spoilers: Only if you haven't seen S8.

Summary: Different ending for "A Simple Twist Of Fate" (8.14)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything … ; )

Author's Notes: I already posted 2 of my other fics, but this is my first attempt. I wrote it almost a year ago. But I thought I'd post it anyway. : ) 

Part (1/10) 

"Susan, how is she?", Luka asked her impatiently as she came out of Abby's room.

"Her nose is broken and she has a few bruises. But the good news is that she's not been raped." 

Luka was relieved.

"But she's very upset. The police was here, too. She told them everything Brian did. They will investigate the case. She will have to testify against him when it comes to court. But the chances aren't good. He denies everything and he has an alibi."

"He deserves to go to jail!", he answered angrily. 

"Do you think she wants to stay at my apartment?", Luka then asked. "I don't want her to be alone tonight, but maybe she wouldn't feel comfortable with me alone at my place..."

"I have already offered her to stay with me. She hesitated first but then she said that it was okay.", Susan interrupted him.

"Good. " Luka said as Susan was about to go back to Abby. "But take care of her."

"I will Luka, don't worry!" she said, already on her way. 

A million thoughts crossed Susan's mind. She did not regret that she offered Abby to stay at hers, but she didn't know what to do or say. Something like that never happened to her. How would Abby feel? 

She pushed away her doubts as she reached Abby's room. She would just try to help her as good as she could.

"Hey, Abby, can we go?", Susan asked calmly.

Abby didn't say anything, just nodded.

"Okay, then let's go."

Susan grabbed the bag with Abby's clothes and they went outside to the car. 

Across the street Abby could see John heading to the ER. She turned around quickly so that he couldn't make out that it's her. She didn't want to meet  him right now. She didn't want to talk to him, answer his questions, see the concerned look on his face. She didn't want him to see her like that. She was ashamed, ashamed of what happened to her. She knew it wasn't her fault. No matter what she did before, Brian did not have the right to do that, nobody did!

But she felt guilty, like it was her fault.

Finally they reached Susan's apartment. She lead Abby into the living room.

"Coffee, tea, anything else?"

"Tea please." 

"Okay, I'll be right back. Sit down if you want to."

Susan went to the kitchen to make some tea while Abby sat down on the sofa. She was glad she was not at home because Brian could come back. But it was awkward to be here, at Susan's apartment. She liked her, but she didn't know her for long.

Susan put the kettle on and went back to Abby. "If you want to have a shower or change, feel free to use everything. You can take something from my clothes."

Abby felt ashamed but she really needed a shower and some new clothes. So she decided to accept the offer.

The first thing she did when she stepped into the bathroom was staring at herself in the mirror. She had already seen her injuries at her apartment and compared to that she was already looking better, no blood everywhere anymore. But she was still shocked. She always considered herself as a strong woman, but now she felt weak. There was nothing she could do to stop Brian and that scared her. 

Finally she took off the clothes they gave her at the hospital and stepped under the shower.

The cold water was running over her face when she felt the salty tears in her wounds.

20 minutes later she came out of the bathroom and sat down on the sofa again. Susan brought in the tea and sat down next to her. 

They both sat there for a while, staring at their cups, unsure of what to do or to say next.

"Um, do you want to talk about what happened?", Susan finally asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence. She didn't know what but she had to make a start and say something.

Of course Abby felt the need to talk. But she could not open up to Susan.

"There is nothing to talk about. You know what happened, what else can I say? It's no big deal, I'm okay.", Abby finally responded, head down to hide her face. But Susan could see the sad expression on it. She wanted to help her but she didn't know how.

"But if there is anything you want to talk about ...", Susan said, trying again to talk to Abby.

"Thank you, I know. But all I want is to sleep."

"Okay, you can take the bed, I'll sleep on the sofa." 

"No, you don't have to ...", Abby started to protest.

"It's okay, I like the sofa.", Susan interrupted her, smiling a little to make Abby feel more comfortable.

"Thank you.", she said and went to the bedroom.

At first she could not sleep. Her face hurt and the only thing she could think of was Brian. Why did he do that to her? Why did she open the door again? And there was this fear. Tonight she was safe, but what about tomorrow, the rest of her life ... ? She had to go back to her apartment sooner or later. And even if she moved out, Brian knew her name, where she worked. He would always be able to find her.  

Finally, after hours, she fell asleep. It was not a peaceful sleep, Brian chased her through her bad dreams.

Susan could not sleep either. She was not afraid of Brian, but there were these thoughts again that crossed her mind earlier. She felt powerless. She tried to help her, but Abby did not talk to her and she was sure she won't either.

She had just fallen asleep, when a scream woke her up again. She got up from the sofa quickly and hurried over to the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, thanks a lot for the feedback! It really means a lot to me!!! : ) Keep it coming! ; )

Oh, and trust me, it is Carby … all my stories are Carby! ; )

Not too much Susan and Abby friendship in this one I fear, though I love their friendship, too! : ) I am about to write another fic with more of that. : )

Anyway, here is chapter 2. Please tell me again what you think about it and if you want to read more! : )

Part (2/10)

She switched on the light. Abby was sitting on the bed, sweaty. She had a nightmare, that was obvious. Susan sat down on the bed, next to her, and put her hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Abby had a scared look on her face, but she seemed to calm down already. 

"Bad dream?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Susan stayed with her for a while. But the silence became awkward for both of them.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?", Susan asked. She knew it was embarrassing for Abby that she saw her like that. 

Abby hesitated, but finally she said "I'm fine, it was just a dream.". She could not talk about it.

"Okay.", Susan said, switched off the light and left the room. She lay down on the sofa again. She had to sleep now, she had to be at work early, though she was still worried about Abby.

Abby lay down on the bed again. She spent the rest of the night awake, thinking about Brian.

Next morning

Susan left her apartment at 6 a.m., Abby seemed to be asleep. She didn't want to disturb her and left her a note.

Later, ER

Susan working on a few charts when Carter appeared. 

"Hey Susan, how are you, lots of work? You look tired.", Carter said with a smile and kissed her.

"Thank you Carter! Yes, I did not have much sleep tonight.", she answered, a little annoyed by his good mood since she was stressed and tired, but still friendly.

"Oh.", was all he said. He knew that he should better not tease her when she was tired.

"Have you seen Abby? She should be here already but I did not see her yet. I need her help with a patient."

"You don't know it?", Susan asked surprised. She knew it was hard to keep a secret in the ER.

"Know what?", he asked curiously.

"So you don't. Um, she's not here, she's sick, won't come to work today."

"Sick? What is it, the flu?"

Susan was thinking about telling him everything. But she wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do.

"I don't know, you better ask her yourself.", she finally answered.

"I will do that tomorrow when she's back."

"No, you should call her."

Carter was confused. "Okay, I will call her later."

"But not at home, she won't be there."

"Where is she?"

"She's at my apartment."

"Why is she at your apartment when she is sick?" Carter was even more confused now. "Tell me what is going on!" Now he was a little worried.

"Please, ask _her_. You know where I live.", Susan answered, lay down the chart and went off to a patient. She hoped Carter would do what she told him, maybe Abby could talk to _him. Though she was in a relationship with Carter, she felt the bond between Abby and him and that she needed him now._

Carter didn't know what was going on. 'Abby was sick and at Susan's apartment?!' He was off in 30 minutes and decided to visit her after his shift. 

Meanwhile at Susan's apartment

Abby was still in bed. Though she was very tired, she couldn't sleep. She was exhausted. As soon as she closed her eyes all she could see was Brian. She was awake, too when Susan left at 6, but she pretended to be asleep when she  peeked into the bedroom. She didn't want her to start a conversation. Though just lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about what happened wasn't good either.

She decided to get up and do something to stop thinking about yesterday. 

When she stepped into the living room she read the note on the table:

_Abby, _

_I had to go to work early. Feel like home and do whatever you want. I'll be  back at 3 p.m., stay if you like. Otherwise we'll meet at work tomorrow. You can call me every time. _

_I will tell Weaver that you won't come to work today._

_Susan_

She was glad that Susan took care of Weaver. She really didn't want to meet all the other nurses and the doctors, explain them what happened.

She took another shower, got dressed and sat down on the sofa. She had to put her thoughts together. Where could she stay in the future? Was Brian arrested, was he still at his apartment?

She startled when the doorbell rang. 


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you again for the feedback!!! : )

Here is chapter 3 – with more Carter and Abby interaction! ; )

I hope you'll like it! Please tell me what you think and if you want more! : )

Part (3/10)

'Who could that be?' She stood up and went to the door to take a look through  the spyhole.

'Carter! What is he doing here?! He surely wants to visit  Susan.', she thought. She didn't want to open the door, she hoped he would leave when  nobody opened.

"Abby?", Carter called and rang the doorbell again.

'Why does he know I'm here?! Susan must have told him what happened. Great!' 

On the one hand she really wanted to talk to him, but on the other hand she  was afraid to talk about what happened, most of all to him. She knew he would know if  she was not honest. But it was hard for her to show her real feelings.

"Abby, please, open the door!"

"Alright!", she said, opening the door. 'He won't give up anyway' she thought.

Carter stared at her when he saw her face through the open door.

"Abby?! What happened to your face?!", Carter said, shocked. He tried to reach her eye, but she turned her head away.

"Nothing, I fell.", she said, surprised that he didn't already know what happened. 

"Sure! I see! Do you really think I believe that?", he said in a harsh voice.

There was silence for a few seconds. He could see tears swell up in her eyes. Suddenly he felt like a jerk and regretted that he lost his temper a little. But he was so worried and angry that she tried to hide the truth from him.

"Can I come in?", he asked, in a soft voice now.

She left the door and went into the living room. Carter took that as the  permission to come in. After closing the door he joined Abby.

To give her some privacy he sat down on a chair while Abby was sitting on the sofa. Her head was down and her eyes were fixing the table in front of  her. He stared at her, waiting for her to say something. But that didn't happen. After a few minutes he decided to make the first step.

"Abby, please tell me what happened. I'm worried about you! You know you can talk to me about everything! No matter what it is, I'll be there for you." He wanted to help her so much, but he only could when she opened up.

It became harder and harder for her not to cry with every word he said. She knew he cared about her. And she wanted to talk to him, it was just hard for her. But she could feel the walls she built up around herself fall into pieces slowly.

"Abby?", he said, pleading.

She looked up into his eyes and saw the concern. 

"You remember Joyce and Brian?", she finally said.

"Who?"

"They were my neighbours, they had problems and I helped her to leave him." Abby felt tears coming up in her eyes again, but she tried to hold them back. She took a deep breath. "Their problem was that he beat her. And he became angry at me because I helped her. Yesterday he came to my apartment and", she stopped for a few seconds. Then she sighed and continued, "beat me too." 

The tears were running down her face now.

"I was expecting the pizza guy, but it was Brian and I let him in. I could make him go again by threatening to call the police. But then he kicked in the door. I was so stupid!"

"Hey,", Carter said while standing up from his chair and sitting down next to her on the sofa, "it was not your fault!". He put his arm around her. He was concerned about Abby, but he could also feel his own heart break. He couldn't stand that someone hurt her.

"Yes, it was!", Abby said, angry at herself. 

"No, it was not! It was right to help that woman! Was there anything you could have done differently?!"

Abby stood up and walked over to the window, with her back towards Carter. 'Now or never!' she thought. He would find out that she was drinking again anyway. And this was the best moment to be completely honest and tell him everything.

She took another deep breath and turned around to face him. "I could have been sober when he knocked at my door!" 

Now it was all out. Somehow she felt relieved that he knew everything. But she feared that he was angry at her now, she could see Carter's shocked face. 

"I know, you hate me now.", she said weakly and turned around towards the window again.

Carter was shocked. He wondered why he didn't notice that she was drinking again. He was angry, too, because she didn't tell him earlier. But he knew that the most important thing was that she told him now and that she needed him now. When he looked at her he didn't feel anger anymore, only concern.

Carter stood up and walked over to Abby. He put his hands on her shoulders from behind and turned her around. Her face was wet with tears. "Abby, I could never hate you!", he said softly. "I'll be there for you and I'll help you through it." 

"Thank you." was all she could say before she broke down in tears. He put his arms around her and hugged her. "Everything will be okay Abby. I'm here for you. Let it all out.", he repeated over and over again. His hands were stroking up and down her back to comfort her and his cheek rested on her head while she was crying in his embrace.

Though she hated it to be that vulnerable, with Carter it was different. She felt save and protected when he was around. And he did not hate her for her relapse, that was her biggest fear. So she could relax and calm down.

When he felt that she calmed down a little and her sobs became more and more silent, they walked back to the sofa and sat down, close to each other. 

"Why didn't you tell me about your drinking and the problems with your neighbour? I could have helped you."

"I was afraid you could be disappointed and step away from me. And I thought I could handle it alone."

"I would never do that. And you don't have to handle it alone.", he said, looking at her. "When did you start drinking again?"

"On my birthday. It was a hard day. That little boy's mother died and Paul Sobricki was back ..."

"I know.", he said, hugging her again. "But you have to go to a meeting as soon as possible."

"I can't do that right now. I need to go home and sleep."

"You can't go home. Brian could still be there."

"But I can't stay here any longer. I like Susan, she was very friendly, but I don't know her very well ..."

"Then you come with me to my apartment. And no buts.", he said, smiling a little.

"Okay, ", she said, relieved that she wouldn't be alone tonight, "but what about Susan?"

"I will explain her everything, she will understand it."

"I don't want you to be in trouble because of me."

"I won't be, don't worry."

While Abby packed her things he called Susan at the hospital. He didn't know what was expecting him. Of course he told Abby that she would understand, he didn't want her to worry about that, too. But, to be honest, he didn't know how Susan would react.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the feedback!!! : )

CARBYfan: Yes, Susan and Carter are still together … but not for long … it's like you could read my mind! : ) You'll see! ; )

Here is chapter 4. I hope you'll like it! Let me know what you think! : ) Want more? : )

Part (4/10)

"Hey Susan, it's me, John. I'm calling from your apartment."

"Hi John. That's good, did she tell you everything?"

"Yes, she did. Thank you for taking care of her and telling me to talk to her."

"I knew she needed you."

"Yeah, and I'll take her with me to my apartment.", he said, expecting Susan to become a little angry.

"I guess I was a bad host!", she said , joking a little.

"No! It's just that she doesn't know you very well. She will talk to you later. And don't worry, it's only about friendship! Thank you for your understanding!"

"Sure.", she answered. And she was sure he even believed what he said. But she knew better, even if it hurt.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow at work?"

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

Carter hung up the phone. He was surprised. The whole situation didn't seem to bother her very much.

It was already dark outside when they reached Carter's apartment. He prepared the bed for her and the couch for himself to sleep on it.

2 a.m.

They could both not sleep. He could hear her sobbing silently in the bedroom. He couldn't stand that she was there crying, only a few meters away from him. He wanted to be there for her and decided to go over to her. He wanted to take away all her pain and make her feel better. But he knew that wasn't possible. The only thing he could do was being there for her and trying to comfort her.

"Abby? Are you okay?", he asked, but she didn't answer. She lay on the bed, her face buried in the pillow. He sat down next to her.

"I heard you crying.", he said and put his hand on her shoulder. She was shivering.

"He won't come here, won't he?", she whispered.

He could hear that she was scared, lay down next to her under the blanket and put his arms around her. "No, you are safe here." 

He felt her relaxing in his arms and falling asleep after a few minutes. He loved to just hold her and kept watching her for a while before he fell asleep himself.

Next morning, 11 a.m., Carter's apartment

When Abby woke up the first thing she realised was the pain in her face. Her nose and her eye were better this morning, the swelling was almost gone, but it still hurt. She sat up. At first she didn't know where she was but then she remembered the last day. She felt a lot better now that she talked to Carter and he knew everything. Now she knew that she was not alone with her problems and could rely on him. 

When she heard the kettle hissing she decided to get up and follow the noise.

Carter was standing in the kitchen. He had already set the table and was about to make some tea when he heard footsteps coming up behind him. He turned around and saw Abby.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning John. Yes, thank you."

"Your eye is much better today!", he said and examined it carefully.

"Yes."

"Breakfast is ready, we can eat."

"Don't you have to go to work today?", she asked surprised.

"I do, but not until 4 p.m. Do you work today?"

"Yes, I need the distraction. I'm on at 5 p.m."

"Good, enough time to go to a meeting. Are you ready for that? I'll come with you if you want.", he asked, hoping she would go.

"Yes, I hope I am. And thank you for coming with me and everything you did yesterday. I'm glad I have a friend like you.", she said shyly. 

"Any time, Abby.", he said, with a slight smile on his face.

They had breakfast and left the apartment at 1 p.m. to go to a meeting.

1 hour later, AA meeting

When they entered the room, Abby became nervous. She had not been here for quite a long time. The bad memories of her past came to her mind again. But she knew she had to be strong and do that. 

When Carter saw her tensing he took her hand in his. She relaxed a little. They sat down next to each other in the last row, Carter still holding Abby's hand.

A lot of people talked about their time being sober, their problems and their relapses. And then it was Abby's turn to stand up and say something.

At first she was stuttering and didn't know what to say. But then she looked at Carter and saw his warm and understanding eyes. She pretended that he was the only person in the room and that she talked to him only. She forgot everybody around and suddenly it was easy to find the right words and talk about the little boy and his mother, Paul Sobricki, Brian, everything. Tears were running down her face while she was speaking. 

Abby's words touched Carter deeply, his eyes became teary while he was listening to her. He realised again what a great person she was, though she had a lot of problems. He admired her. He was with Susan, but again he felt more than friendship for Abby.

Suddenly Abby stopped talking. All the people in the room she pretended not to be there were back, staring at her. She couldn't stand the presence of all that people in the room and ran out.

Carter got up quickly and followed her. 

"Abby, wait for me!", he yelled after her. But she kept on running. When they reached the hallway of the building he could grab her arm and stop her. She was still crying.

"Abby, what happened? You were great in there and suddenly you ran out of the room."

"I don't know", she sobbed, "I felt so ashamed, everybody in there must think I'm crazy!"

"Nobody does! And even if they did, who cares? I don't think you're crazy, you're an adorable person!", he said, hugging her. 

She knew he was right. They all had their own problems in there. And the only opinion that counted for Abby was Carter's. So there was nothing to be ashamed of.

"Let's go to work now, okay?", he asked, after she calmed down.

"Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you again for the feedback!!! : )

Here is chapter 5, I hope you'll like it! Wanna read more? : )

Part (5/10)

4 p.m., ER

Abby didn't want to be alone at Carter's apartment so she came with him to the ER one hour before her shift started. But she was not sure if that was a good idea. To her it seemed like everybody was watching her, staring at her, like everybody knew what happened.

Immediately after they changed their clothes, Carter had to treat a patient and left the lounge.

Abby was just about to close the door to her locker when Luka entered the room.

"Hey, Abby! How are you? You look better today."

"Yeah, thank you, I _feel _better too.", she answered, smiling a little.

"So you're working again. I thought you'd take a few days off."

"No, I need the distraction. But I don't know if that was right, everybody here is staring at me."

"Really? But nobody knows what happened. Except the nurse, Susan and me of course. We didn't want any gossip."

"Thank you. I guess I was just seeing things.", she said.

"Yeah. Well, I have to look after a patient. See you later?"

"Sure."

She sighed when Luka left the room. She was glad that only a few people knew what happened.

Then she started her shift. There was a lot to do. But Abby was glad that it was a busy day.

Later that evening in the ambulance bay

Susan was standing outside to catch some fresh air during her break when Carter came out and joined her.

"Hi Susan!", he said and kissed her on the cheek.

"Hi! How is Abby?"

"She's fine, considering what happened."

"That's good!", she said, honestly delighted.

"I hope you are not mad at me because I spent so much time with her during the last hours."

"Of course I'm not, she needed you. But I think we have to talk about us.", she said calmly.

"So you _are_ mad at me. But there is no need to be, nothing happened, she's just my friend!"

"No, I'm not mad at you! I'm only facing the truth. You and me are not meant to be. You love Abby and she loves you."

"What are you talking about?", he wanted to know, confused.

"You know that and I know that. We are great friends and I hope we will always be! But a relationship is not right for us.", she said, in a friendly voice.

"Really?", Carter asked, not sure whether he should be happy or sad. He felt the same, considering Susan _and_ Abby. But he never wanted to hurt Susan. 

"Yes, really! I love you, but only as a friend. Go and be happy with her." 

He was glad that she still wanted to be his friend because he really liked her. But he knew that she was right because he really felt more for Abby than friendship.

"Susan, I love you too, _as a friend_.", he said with a smile, hugging her, "and we will always be friends!".

"I'm glad!"

"And you really think she loves me?", Carter asked shyly. He was a little unsure about that.

"Of course she does! Trust me, I'm a woman too, I know it.", she said with a grin. Though she was a little bit sad because Carter was a great person and she lost him as her partner, she was happy for him. She meant every word she said. Carter and Abby were made for each other. He was still her friend, and she even liked Abby.

"Thank you.", he said.

"No problem! So, _my friend_, how about going back inside? I'm freezing to death out here!"

"Me too!", he said as they walked inside.

30 minutes later, at Susan's locker

"Hey, Susan!" a voice called after her.

"Hi Abby! Are you okay?"

"Yes, thank you! And I wanted to thank you for everything you did for me! And don't be mad at Carter, he was just a friend!"

"Don't worry about that, Abby. We broke up a few minutes ago.", Susan said.

"What?! Why? Not because I stayed at his apartment, right?!", Abby asked. She felt guilty.

"No, really, don't worry! We were just not meant to be. I know, I love him, but only as a friend. And we are great friends, but nothing more."

"So it's really not because of last night?"

"No, really.", Susan repeated. She didn't want Abby to feel responsible for that. To be honest, it really had nothing to do with her. Sure, he was in love with Abby, but even without her they couldn't be more than friends. But how much he cared about her at the moment made it clear for her, he loved Abby.

Abby was relieved. She didn't want to be the reason for them to break up. But she didn't know how to react. She was glad, because that was what she secretly wanted. But she felt sorry for Susan, too.

"How do you feel?", she finally asked her.

"I don't know", Susan answered, "I know it was right to break up. But it's sad anyway."

"I'm sorry!", Abby said, putting a hand on Susan's shoulder.

"Thank you.". After a few seconds she finally continued with a slight smile, "So, I have to see a patient now. How about you?"

"Me too.", Abby responded, smiling back before she went off in the opposite direction to see her patient.

Abby had not seen John during the rest of her shift. She was glad that she was quite busy during the whole time.

She was just coming out of trauma two when she saw him standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall in a small corner, his eyes fixing the floor. 

"Hey.", she said.

"Oh, hi Abby. Are you waiting for me?", he asked weakly.

"Yes, I am."

"I'll just change my clothes and we can go.", he said, but did not move, his eyes fixing the floor again.

"Are you okay? Susan told me you two broke up."

"Yes, we did. And yes, I'm okay."

"Then why are you hiding here in the corner, staring at the floor? Come on, I can see that you are not okay.", she said, staring at him, demanding an answer.

"I was just thinking about … ."

"I know, break ups are hard.", she said, taking his hand, supposing it was because of Susan. She knew how you feel after break ups, even when they are right, from her break up with Luka. Though she knew it was right, she was feeling bad afterwards. On the other hand she was glad that he wasn't with Susan anymore. She was quite jealous, to be honest.

When he felt her hand touching his, he suddenly forgot everything around. His heart skipped, he blushed slightly and a smile appeared on his face. When he looked at her, he saw that she was staring at him and their eyes met. He felt hundreds of butterflies in his stomach. Without thinking he leaned down and kissed her soft lips gently. He was glad when she kissed him back. He felt her putting her arms around his neck and he put his around her waist. 

They were standing there like that for a while, holding each other tight, kissing more intense now, forgetting where they were. 

" … about us!", he finally finished his last sentence after they parted from their kiss. "I was thinking about us and how I could tell you my feelings for you. I was thinking about whether you'd give me a chance or not. I love you, Abby! I always have and I always will!", he finally blurted out. He was still not sure if she felt the same he did. He stared at her, waiting for her reaction. Seconds seemed like hours for him. 

Abby was staring back at him. She was still stunned. She did not expect that, especially not a few hours after he broke up with Susan. But it was time to be honest with him.

"Abby, we can wait if you're not ready.", he said to break the silence between them. 'Or if you are not feeling the same.', he thought, but he didn't want to say it out loud.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you again for the feedback! It means so much to me! : ) Especially since English is not my native language! Keep it coming please to let me know if you like it! : ) 

Here is chapter 6, I hope it's any good! : )

Part (6/10) 

She was still speechless. But then she realised that he got her hesitation wrong.

"No, sorry! I love you too, John! I was just surprised, you have no idea how long I have been waiting for that moment!", she answered. They were standing in front of each other,  both with huge grins on their faces before they kissed again. They were both very happy, finally where they wanted to be for so long.

"Okay, we should go back to step one. How about dinner tonight?" he asked after catching his breath.

"That would be great! At 7?"

"Yeah, at my apartment?"

She was laughing. "Of course, where else?"

"We could also go out."

"No, your apartment is fine!"

Then they walked hand in hand to their lockers to change and go home.

7 p.m., John's apartment

That was a funny first date. She was at his apartment almost all the time anyway during the last days, since Brian beat her. But this was their first "real" date. And she was already excited. What she was waiting for so long finally happened, John Carter told her that he loved her. And this time she even told him that she loved him, too. 

She was completely lost in wonderful thoughts when she heard the doorbell ring. She went over to the door to look through the spyhole. It was Carter. He had gone over to the restaurant across the street to get something to eat. He seemed to be impatient.

"Oh, so you finally decided to let me in, huh?", he said joking.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently.

"I've been standing in front of the door for at least 5 minutes and I rang the bell about 10 times. I hope the food is not cold now."

"Really? I'm sorry, I think I was daydreaming." she said embarrassed, looking down to the floor.

"So, what were you dreaming of? Or who?" he asked with a smile on his face. "Or wait, don't tell me. I couldn't stand it if it was not me you were dreaming of." he added, smiling even more now.

"In fact, I was dreaming of ... George Clooney!" she said with a serious face. "Kidding, of course it was you." she said shyly.

"Funny!" he said, walked closer towards her and kissed her deeply. "Let's eat now, I need some food. I was almost starving while I was waiting for you to open the door.", he said with a grin.

After dinner they sat down on the couch and watched tv until they fell asleep in each others arms.

They could hardly keep their lips apart and their hands off each other for the rest of the week. They have both never been that happy before. Abby could even almost forget Brian. Only at nights she felt the fear again that he could come back and hurt her again. But since she still stayed at John's apartment she knew she was safe with him around. She didn't even feel the urge to have drink anymore. But she still attended the AA meetings, with John at her side. 

About two weeks later, ER, admit desk

Kerry Weaver was lost in thoughts, looking through some charts, when she heard the phone ring again, the millionth time.

"Can some pleeease answer the phone?!", she almost screamed, obviously stressed. But when she looked up she saw that there was nobody around, except a few patients.

"Okay!", she said and picked up the phone. "Weaver!", she almost shouted. "Yes, she is, but I don't know where. - Important? Do you know what important is? My patients are, and I have to work now! - Okay, I will see if I can find her, hold on." She put down the phone and looked around again. A few patients were staring at her now, but still no familiar faces. Suddenly she saw Abby walking around the corner.

"Abby!", she called her. "There is someone on the phone for you."

"Thank you.", Abby said and hurried to the phone, she didn't want to make Kerry even more angry than she already seemed to be.

She picked up the phone: "Abigail Lockhart. - What? Are you sure? How could that ... - Yes, thank you, I will." Then she let the phone fall down on the floor.

Abby had a shocked and scared face, that made even Kerry worry about her. She was staring at her.

"Abby, what's wrong?", she asked, but Abby was already on her way towards the lounge, with tears in her eyes.

Suddenly John appeared at the charts to put Mr. Smith's back to the others. "Hey, Kerry, what are you staring at?", he asked her confused, following her eyes to the lounge. "Seems like you can't wait to get out of here, huh?", he joked. 

"That's funny John! I will laugh later, okay?", was all he got as an answer while Weaver was still staring in the same direction.

He was not interested in an argument and was just about to walk away when he heard Weaver's voice again.

"John, wait! Abby just received a phone call. I don't know what happened, but she was very upset and stormed off into the lounge. Maybe you can take care of her?", Kerry asked John, now in a calm voice.

He ran over to the lounge without saying a single word. 


	7. Chapter 7

Hi! : )

Sorry that it really took ages this time to update this. But I was really busy and wrote a few other fics in the meantime. ; ) Had to do this as long as I had a run. ; ) I hope you even remember what it was about. ; )

Part (7/10)

Abby was standing crying in front of her open locker when John came in.

"Abby?!", he said concerned while he walked towards her. "Shhh, calm down. What happened? Who called you?"

"I ... It ... ", was all that came out of her mouth. She was too upset to speak. When John reached her he put his arms around her and let her cry into his chest, holding her head with one hand and stroking her back with his other. He felt her trembling under her sobs. "Shhh, it's okay!", he said again. He felt his shirt become wet from her tears.

He held her like that for a while before they sat down on the couch together.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?", he asked carefully.

She nodded, still not able to speak it out loud.

"Okay, take your time and tell me everything when you are ready.", he said, holding her hands in his.

"On the phone ... ", she finally said though she was still sobbing, "it was the police. They received an emergency call from Brian's new apartment. It was Joyce. When they arrived there they found her unconscious on the floor, beaten up, her blood was everywhere. They brought her to the hospital, but ... ", she began to cry again, "they couldn't do anything, she died from her injuries."

"Oh Abby, I'm so sorry!", he said and put his arm around her. She lay her head against his shoulder.

"Brian killed her and I couldn't do anything!"

"You did everything you could! It's not your fault!"

"Why did she go back to him? I don't understand it!", she said angrily.

"I don't know. She didn't want to see who he really was.", he answered sadly.

"The police wants me to testify against him at court."

"Will you do that? Everybody would understand if you decided not to go."

"No, I'll do that, I have to. I owe Joyce to do that! He has to go to jail for the rest of his life!"

"He will!", he assured her, kissing her forehead and hugging her tightly.

"When are you off?" he asked after a while.

"About ten minutes ago." Abby answered.

"I'm on for two more hours. Do you already want to go to my apartment?"

"Yes, I think so. I'm tired, I think I will try to get some sleep."

"Do you think you will be okay all alone?"

She was not sure about that, but she didn't want Carter to worry about her too much. She felt awful, but instead of admitting that she said "Sure. Brian is arrested, he can't hurt me anymore. And you'll be home soon.". She tried to smile a little to be more convincing.

"Okay, see you later then. I try to get out of here early!" he said, kissed her and left the lounge, though he wasn't sure that she would be okay either. He could see that she was hurt, sad and vulnerable. But he thought it would make her feel stronger when he believed in her, let her feel that he trusted her, that she could make it alone for two hours. And he would follow her soon.

Abby changed her dress and left the ER about 15 minutes later.  She was still very upset. She could not understand why Joyce had gone back to Brian. She thought she had convinced her that she could not stay with him. But obviously she was wrong. Tears were running down her face again when she thought of Joyce and that she was dead now. And she realised how lucky she was. Brian could have killed her too that evening. She never thought that her death could affect her so much.

Lost in thoughts and in pain she stumbled down the streets towards Carter's apartment. She didn't realise anything around her. She almost reached his home when she noticed a shop on her side of the street. She stopped at the shop window and stared inside. 


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for reading. : ) Here is chapter 8.

Part (8/10)

It was a liquor store. 

Abby was struggling. She felt bad and on the one hand she thought that a little drink would make her feel better soon. Nobody would know, she only needed enough to fall asleep, it wouldn't count. On the other hand she knew that she couldn't do that. She was sober for 22 days now. She couldn't risk that. And she knew John would be home soon. And to talk to him and to lie in his arms was better than any drink in the world. 

While she was fighting with herself whether to go in and buy a bottle to ease her pain or not, someone was coming up from behind and touched her shoulder. Abby startled, her heart almost stopped beating. 

"Hey, Abby." a familiar voice said calmly. "What are you doing here?"

Abby was relieved, she knew that voice, and it was not Brian's. She knew it couldn't be him, he was arrested. But she was scared at first anyway. She wiped away her tears as good as she could and turned around.

"Oh my god Abby, you look like hell!" Susan said in shock when she saw her face. Her eyes where red from crying and she looked extremely down. "Sorry, you know what I mean. Is something wrong? What happened?"

She wanted to pretend that she was okay, but she was not strong enough, she could already feel the tears behind her eyes. 

"Joyce ... Brian killed her." was all Susan could understand before Abby began to cry. 

"What? I thought she left him? How could that happen?" Susan wanted to know, but Abby couldn't answer. 

First she only took Abby's hand to comfort her, but then she hugged her and let her cry in her arms.

1 hour later, Carter's apartment

Susan was sitting on the couch, drinking some tea, when she heard someone open the door.

"Abby?", John called when he saw that the light was switched on.

Susan got up from the couch when he entered the living room. 

"She's asleep." Susan said.

"Susan? What are you doing here?"

"I was on my way home when I saw Abby standing in front of a liquor store. She was crying. She told me that Brian killed Joyce! I brought her here. She fell asleep soon."

John was shocked. 'Liquor store?!' he thought. 'What was she doing there?' But he knew Susan didn't know that Abby was a recovering alcoholic so he didn't say anything. 

"Yes, it's true. It's terrible, they arrested him. Thank you Susan for taking care of Abby."

"No problem John. But I have to go now, I have to work tomorrow." Susan said, walking towards the door. She thought it was better to let them alone now.

"Sure, see you tomorrow. And thank you again!" he said, leading her to the door.

"Yes, bye!"

"Bye!" he said and closed the door. He went back into the living room and sat down on the couch. He wanted to let her sleep, but he was too afraid that she started drinking again. So he decided to peek into the bedroom to see if he could talk to her.

He was just about to stand up when the bedroom door opened and Abby came out. She was still not looking better. She went over to him and sat down next to him. From the look on his face she knew that he knew where Susan found her. 

"I did not drink, John. But I wanted to. I was lucky that Susan found me. It was tempting, but I think I wouldn't have done it, even without Susan."

"Abby, why didn't you tell me how you really felt? I could have gone home earlier to be with you!"

"I thought I could handle it. I didn't know that her death affected me so much. I didn't want to bother you." she said, looking down ashamed. 

"You know you could never bother me!" 

"I do. But I have always been alone with my problems. I have to get used to the new situation, that you are there for me."

"I know! And you can always rely on me!" he said, hugging her.

"Thank you!" she said, resting her head on his shoulder.

Several weeks later

Time passed quickly. All their problems were solved for the moment and they were happy. The trial was far away and Abby had her drinking under control, she could even handle Joyce's funeral quite well. They got along very well during the last weeks and so John decided, that it was time for a change.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey,

thank you again for reading and reviewing! : ) I didn't think that anyone would still read this after I didn't have time to update for so long. But now the chapters come faster. ; )

Well, here is chapter 9. I hope you'll like the little Carby happiness. : )

Part (9/10)

6.55 p.m., Carter's apartment

John was standing in the kitchen. He took two plates and two glasses out of the cupboard to set the table. Abby was still at work and he had promised her to arrange something to eat for the evening. He was very excited because he planned something special for today.  He arranged the food on the plates and put some juice and water on the table. Then he lit the candles he had placed between the decoration of roses.

Abby should be at home every minute.

He was marching up and down the living room while he was waiting for her to arrive. Suddenly he heard the door open.

"Oh, you are already here." he said to her, pretending to be surprised. "I wasn't expecting you so early." Of course he was lying, but he wanted to hide his excitement.

Abby didn't know what he was talking about. "I told you I would be here at 7 and that's the time we have now." 

"Um, sure … are you hungry?"

"Yes, I ... " She stopped when she saw the table. She was overwhelmed. "John, that's beautiful!" she exclaimed. She was touched and a little tear ran down her face. "You said we would eat something, I didn't expect something like that!"

"I hope you like it!" he asked, but he already knew that she did. 

"Are you kidding? Of course I do! John, I didn't know you could do something like that!"

"Me neither! But I tried, for you." he said smiling, before he kissed her passionately. "But let's sit down and eat now, before it gets cold!"

They sat down and ate.

"John, that was really good! I didn't know you could cook. You are really good at that!" she said after eating.

"Well, to be honest, I'm only good at dialling telephone numbers from restaurants. But the decoration is mine!" he said, smiling brightly.

She had to laugh about that. "I love you, John!" she said, stood up, walked around the table, sat down on his lap and kissed him.

"That's good, because I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"Most of the time we are here anyway and so I wanted to ask you if you'd like to move in here with me." he said, not sure about the answer he would get. He knew she loved him and he loved her, but for a person like Abby it was a big step to live together, to give up her own place where she could be alone whenever she wanted to. She had a lot of bad experiences before. He hoped she knew that he was different. He looked deep into her brown eyes while he was waiting for her to say something.

She was touched again. Sometimes she thought he could read her mind. It was not easy for her to move in with someone and he seemed to know that. He arranged everything just to ask her to move in with him. She felt that it was right with him.

"John," she finally said "you know this is a big step for me! But I trust you and I'd love to live with you!" 

There were no words he could think of that described how happy he was. He hugged her tightly and carried her over to the couch. "You have no idea how happy I am now!"

"Maybe as happy as I am?"

"Maybe!" he said, smiling.

They have just sat down when the phone rang. 

"Please, don't answer the phone! It will surely be Weaver." Abby pleaded though she knew he was on call and had to answer the phone.

"What if it's important?"

"You are right. But it's her, I bet." she said, smiling.

John stood up and answered the phone. "Carter - Doctor Weaver, what a surprise! - Yes, I'll be there in 20 minutes."

"I told you!" Abby said with a grin.

"Sorry, I have to go. They have several people there with serious injuries. Can I leave you here alone?" he asked concerned.

"No problem, I'll be fine, maybe I can dream of George Clooney again, or maybe I'll call him."

"Don't you dare!" he said joking and kissed her before he left the apartment.

20 minutes later, ER

"Carter! There you are, thank god!" Weaver said to John as he just left the lounge.

"What happened?"

"A bad accident with a school bus. Most of the children are already treated, a lot of minor injuries. But I have a 35 old male for you in trauma 2. Luka is already working on him, it doesn't look good."

"Alright." John said and headed to the room.

When he arrived, there was already nothing he could do. "Time of death, 9.15 p.m." he heard Luka say.

"What happened?" John asked.

"He hung himself in his prison cell. It was too late, his brain already had a leak of oxygen when he arrived here. Well, I have to say, I'm not sad about it."

"What?" John asked surprised and stepped a little closer towards the dead body. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you think he deserves it?" Now Luka was surprised.

"I don't think so, why should I?" John was confused.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes:** Sorry that I didn't update for ages! Here is the next chapter! It won't take that long again, since it is the last chapter. ; ) I know it's short, but there was not more to say. ; ) I hope you liked it a bit. It was my first attempt but it made me happy to receive so many nice reviews! Thank you! : )

Part (10/10)

"This is Brian, Abby's former neighbour. The one who assaulted her and killed his wife!"

"That is Brian? I didn't know him." he said shocked.

"Yes, that's him. Sorry, I have to talk to the police now."

"Wait, please let me do that." 

"Okay, here's the chart." Luka handed it to him and he left the room.

 10 p.m., Abby's and John's apartment

When he entered the apartment, he could hear Abby in the bathroom. She was having a shower. So he went straight to the window and stared out of it into the darkness. He was asking himself how he could tell Abby the news. 

He didn't even notice that she had already come out of the bathroom. She was standing behind him now. She knew something was wrong.

"John, what's wrong, what happened?" she said and put a her hand on his shoulder.

He turned around to face Abby. "There won't be a trial for Brian."

 "What?" Abby was shocked. "Why?"

He really didn't know what to say to make it any better.

"Because he hung himself in his prison cell a few hours ago. He was brought to the ER but it was too late, his brain was already dead when he arrived. I'm sorry."

Abby didn't know what to say. She just stood there, staring at Carter.

He didn't know what to say either. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. Suddenly she began to sob silently, then she started to cry. He tightened his embrace and rocked her forth and back slightly, kissing her forehead. 

She didn't know why she was crying. All her emotions just overwhelmed her, all the pain and fear, the stress and tension during the last weeks. It was all over now.


End file.
